The Free Press WV

The Free Press WV    We are the grandparents of two very precious children. Recently, their parents were divorced after their mother had an affair with another man and became pregnant. Our son is trying to get shared residential custody, but the judge at their hearing believed the false statements of the children’s mother and ruled in her favor. We have often wondered how judges can tell who is lying and who is telling the truth, and we now know the answer: They can’t. The case is heading to the state Supreme Court next month.

It is very evident that our son’s ex-wife has been teaching our grandchildren to hate both their dad and us. They won’t openly speak to us or show any recognition of us in public. They barely acknowledge their own father when their mom is around. She has told our son and us (even in front of other people) that the children hate us. We have recently discovered that she is controlling the children by threatening to kill herself if they don’t love her enough to do as she says. We are very, very worried about the emotional abuse of our grandchildren and need advice on how to get help for them. No child should ever have to deal with this stress and fear. Would you please help us? — Worried Times Two

The Free Press WV    Dear Worried Times Two: Divorce is never pleasant, but this transgresses the normal divorce and custody battle woes. I’m also concerned about your grandchildren, and you may be right that they’re suffering from emotional abuse. Call Childhelp at 800.422.4453.

The Free Press WV

The Free Press WV    This is in response to “Mystified,‘’ who was wondering why the gentleman she’d been seeing for two months hadn’t yet offered to drive anywhere. It seems to me she was overthinking it. When my late husband and I started dating, he arrived in a taxi because he did not drive. I soon said, “This is silly. I have a perfectly good car, and I don’t mind driving.‘’ So he agreed. He never drove, because he just felt uncomfortable. As a young man, he owned a car, worked on it and serviced it, but he always called a friend to drive.

We went wherever we desired, with me at the wheel, and had 51 glorious years together. He was thoughtful, loving and kind, and I would have missed a beautiful married life with him if I had been hung up on the fact that he did not drive. I wonder whether “Mystified in Miami’‘ is embarrassed or more concerned over what her friends will think.

I would give all I have to be able to drive him anywhere again. — A Willing Chauffer

The Free Press WV    Dear Willing: I’m sorry for your loss, but what a lovely 51 years you shared.

Though you weren’t seeking advice, I should mention that for anyone else reading this who is afraid of or uncomfortable with driving, there are treatments available. Speak to a therapist about methods for coping with and overcoming driving anxiety.

The Free Press WV

The Free Press WV    I am writing about common courtesy. Does it exist anymore?

I have a large family, with grown grandchildren, and I still work part time, although I am close to 80. I would like to complain about the lack of respect that the younger generation has.

I am a constant reader – books, magazines, newspaper, etc. When I come across an article, story or email that relates to the profession, interests or community of anyone in my family, I may cut it out and send it to the person. I may also forward an email if it is pertinent, but I seldom do that.

For example, one of my grandsons, even though he is 6 feet 4 inches tall, wants to build a tiny house. I discovered a related article, which I sent to him.

My mother used to do the same thing for me, and even though the clips may not have been something that really interested me, the gesture told me that she was thinking of me and she wanted to pass along some information that might prove useful. I am never trying to influence anyone, but I do believe that you learn something every day, and one piece of information may open a door.

However, it has created a problem. I recently sent an article that pertained to my son’s profession. I thought it might be interesting to him. Although I knew that he might not agree with all of the content, he rejected the article in its entirety and chastised me profusely for sending it to him, saying that it “offended’‘ him. I reread it after the fact and could find nothing that was offensive to anyone; it was just giving another point of view. He probably thought that I was trying to convince him of something, but that has never been my intention. I am now very hesitant to send him anything or even to discuss it.

Additionally, though it’s not a great deed, there is a little effort involved in sending the items to them; however, I have never received any form of acknowledgment from any of my children or grandchildren. I never receive a Christmas card or a birthday card from any of my 10 grandchildren, and they do not thank me for their Christmas gifts.

Is it wrong to expect some form of an acknowledgment when I give something to them, or is that a thing of the past? Do I stop sending articles and birthday cards to them? Do I stop giving? Do I stop caring? — Disheartened

The Free Press WV    Dear Disheartened: It’s good to take a step back, before you send any kind of message, and think of any possible ways the person on the receiving end might misinterpret it. The article you sent to your son made him feel defensive, either because there’s a contentious history between you two about the topic or because he’s a hypersensitive person.

In any case, let him know that you were not coming from a judgmental place. If he knows he has your support, he should be less touchy in the future.

Now, as for the lack of gratitude for gifts you’ve sent, it’s unkind, and you should feel free to tell your children how that has hurt you. But don’t let their rudeness keep you from shining your light into the world. As inspirational speaker Kent Keith said, “people are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway. . . . Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.‘’

I had a girlfriend that was afraid of driving. She got some counseling like you suggested and it was enough to get her to get a license… but she never got onto the freeway.

I saw not driving cost her so much especially in So Cal. Her whole world opened up once she dealt with it.

Comment by Pastor Paul  on  06.06.2017
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